


Why Do I Love You?

by orphan_account



Series: Hanahaki-Jacksepticeye [1]
Category: jacksepticeye
Genre: Angst, Chapters?, Don't judge a book by its author's inability to title it, I don't know, I have no idea what I'm doing, I still can't title things, M/M, Nothing is good here, Story is (probably) better than these shit tags, Swearing, hanahaki, i guess this is my life now, probably, stuff like that
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-19
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-07-14 04:05:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16032611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Chase meets an interesting man..He barely knows the stranger.So why is he coughing up petals whenever he sees him?





	1. Why Do I love You?

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! Hype Here!  
> This is the very first chapter of the Hanahaki Angst I have written for the character Chase Brody.  
> This is actually in Chase's POV (Point of View) but that may change if I and/or others dislike it.

The sobs escaped my mouth harshly and the tears I attempted to hold back burned in my eyes. My back started to ache, being pressed up against the wall as well as my body being curled in a small, pathetic ball.  
Dark's words echoed in my head,  
"There's a camera in there so if anything is damaged, we know who needs to pay for repairs."  
Dark had allowed me to use the conference room in the Iplier Manor for my latest video.

That camera is the reason someone was going to find me. I knew someone would eventually come looking for me and I didn't want them, whoever found me, to see me like this. A wrecked, sobbing mess.  
But then I got the call.  
I clutched my phone with shaking hands and swiped away the voicemail, deleting it completely.  
She didn't love me. She was moving away. Taking her- our kids with her.  
I looked up at the camera in the corner, snot and tears streaming down my face and forced a smile for whoever was watching. 

Because smiling means I'm happy. Even if I'm crying. 

That's when the door opened and I heard the sound of slight, careful footfalls.

"Chase Brody? My scanners have detected a worrying drop in your usual optimism. What has caused this?"

It was one of the Ipliers. I tried to quieten my sobs so he wouldn't notice I was in there, but almost immediately I felt a hand on my shoulder.  
He pulled me up to his eye level and looked at me with electric eyes, a hint of concern hiding in the oceans of orange. 

Upon seeing my furrowed brow and watery, baby blue eyes, he pulled me in for a hug.  
I barely even knew this dude and he was just... Hugging me?  
The first thing I noticed, no heartbeat; just the steady thrum and whirring of machinery. He must've been one of those AI guys Marvin was always talking about. 

Then I noticed how warm his body was. Like a summer's day, enveloping me in a drowning embrace that I never wanted to pull away from.  
But then he did, and I felt all the warmth he had spread through me flow away. His hand lingered on my arm in a reassuring touch as he leaned over and grabbed my hat from the floor, placing it lopsidedly on my head with a small smile. 

I managed a small smirk and we stayed like that for a bit, crouching down beside the long table, staring into each others eyes. 

Then he stood, offering his hand with a half smile. I took it gratefully and he hauled me to my feet and I straightened unsteadily.

"I'm Bing"  
He said with a slight shrug of his shoulders. He didn't let go of my hand, which I found kinda weird but also kinda.... Nice?  
I smiled up at him and shrugged too. 

"I'm Chase. Kinda obvious, huh?"  
The robot-Bing?- looked over my face with his bright orange eyes, a hint of friendly worry in them.

That was when I felt the first urge to cough, but I held it back so I didn't cough in his face. 

He led me out, a hand on the small of my back and I felt warmth creep up into my cheeks. I averted my gaze from his well structured face and looked around, trying to distract myself from this.... Interesting android.


	2. Why Is This Happening?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A petal?  
> ...  
> It's happening again...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HI! Hype here!  
> I had a little too much fun writing this one.
> 
> I will try my best to update asap each week. But expect at least one update each week.

The next time I ran into him was when I went to the Iplier manor looking for Anti. Anti had been messing around with Dark's technology again for some reason and Henrik sent me there to find the troublesome demon. 

That time, he had been riding down the street on a skateboard in large circles outside the manor. He stopped and kicked his board up into his hand when he saw me, waving energetically.  
An immediate smile rose on my face and I could already feel the heat creeping up onto my face at his delighted expression. 

Bing strode up to me with a happy confidence, hugging me in greeting and I went rigid, not expecting it. My cheeks were red hot and I felt an itch in my chest. The same urge to cough as last time. Eventually, I hugged him back and smiled, the familiar sounds of his machinery whirring soothing me.  
Bing pulled away and I frowned, already missing the comforting feeling of being held by someone who actually cares.

"You seem troubled. How are you today?"  
Bing's question turned my attention to him. He had orange sunglasses on and his hair was that kind of bed messy. Not that androids really needed... Well, beds.  
I fought to find words but my head refused to come up with a response so I just... Shrugged.  
Bing must've taken it as an unsure kind of response, because he reached out to touch my arm reassuringly. I leaned into his touch without realising it.  
He smiled down at me and I managed a small half smirk. 

Then I pulled away suddenly, the urge to cough getting stronger as I doubled over, retching and wheezing.  
I felt a hand on my back that was unsure and stiff as I coughed more, feeling something lodged in my throat. I covered my mouth with my hands as I heard Bing call out to someone.  
I closed my eyes as tears streamed down my face and I felt something fall into my hands.  
I opened my eyes and looked down..  
A bright.. Orange... Petal..  
My eyes widened and I felt my body still. I was no longer coughing and I could hear Bing asking me what was wrong. My face flushed and I continued to stare at the rose petal in my hands.  
I straightened, stuffing the petal in my pocket before sprinting away, Bing's cries of alarm being carried away in the wind. 

As soon as I couldn't hear him anymore, my heart stopped pounding and I slowed under a tree and leaned against it. I grabbed the petal from my pocket and looked at it.  
*It was happening again.*

The first time this happened, it was painful. I didn't want to recall what happened in highschool. I forbid myself from thinking of it.  
So I just stared down at it, dumbfounded. 

Then it struck me and I felt physically sick.  
Bing.  
Even the thought of him made the familiar itch come back and heat taunt my cheeks.  
A tear ran down my cheek and I slid down the tree to the ground. 

Not again.  
Fuck.. It was happening again.

I got up hesitantly, grunting slightly and feeling dazed.  
Go talk to him about it... Or run?  
I decided to talk to him.  
If it were just physical contact that triggered it for now, I wouldn't touch him.  
And I'd make sure he didn't touch me.

I had run a reasonable distance from the manor and by the time I had found Bing again, he was wandering around, calling out my name frantically.  
When he saw me, he ran towards me with a look of terror and worry on his face.  
He grabbed my arm and I shrugged it off, feeling my stomach do flips at his hurt expression.

"Are you okay?"  
Bing asked urgently, persistently trying to grab hold of me so he could be sure I wouldn't fall. That must be what I looked like, ill.  
He had no idea I didn't want him to touch me. So I stepped back, holding my hands out in front of me.

"Please. Don't touch me."

Bing looked... Upset.  
But I shrugged it off.  
He was a machine, he didn't feel anything.  
Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed!  
> Tumblr: hypercat360 and/or what--thefuck


	3. Trouble In Paradise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapter's late arrival! I've had it sitting in my notebook all week and I've just not updated it. Hope you enjoy!

"I-I'm fine."  
I choked on the words, feeling the strong urge to cry when I saw Bing's strange look. He made it look like he cared.   
I stepped back away from Bing, trying to keep a reasonable distance between myself and him so I wouldn't start coughing up those fucking petals again.   
Bing said something I didn't exactly register and I looked up at him, unprepared for the worry that I saw in his beautiful orange eyes.   
The itch in my chest seized me, like it was squeezing my lungs and I had to force myself to look away from the man in front of me.   
I hated this. I fucking hated this.   
But until I got over him, I'd have to stay away.   
I began slowly backing away from Bing, muttering an apology before turning on my heel and basically running away. I felt the need to throw up, I felt nauseated, but the worst things I felt as I speed-walked away from the man I so desperately loved, were the guilt and the shame. 

When I got back to the Septic household, the itch in my throat had disappeared and the dizziness had eventually subsided.   
I felt a bizarre ache in my heart as I unlocked the front door and walked in, quiet as ever. I just wanted to be alone, in my room but I was greeted by the aroma of chilli and chicken and I had to investigate.   
I wandered into the kitchen, following the enticing smell and found Henrik leaning over a chopping board, cutting up what I assumed were spring onions. Henrik rarely ever cooked for us because he worked the graveyard shift at the clinic and spent the rest of his time studying so he wasn't in any position to really do anything for us. He payed a majority of the bills too, including the Wi-Fi and electricity bill, so we didn't expect much of him. And when he was in the mood to cook or clean, he'd do it expertly and we'd all be impressed by his efforts. 

When he finally noticed me, he smiled and waved in greeting and I waved back as I walked past him and into the hallway. For some reason, I felt bad walking away from him like that, but I just wanted to go to my room and hide for the rest of my life.   
So food and maintaining a social life offline could wait. 

~•~

Sitting on my bed, I had been scrolling through Tumblr on my phone when I came across some pretty cool fanart, the only problem was, the person illustrated, made my stomach flip and my lungs burn.  
The artist had drawn Bing riding a skateboard and I admired the artwork, but soon, I had to force myself to look away.   
Fuck.   
It was developing quick.   
If even the thought of Bing made me want to cough already, I was fucked.   
I sigh, but the exhale of breath comes out harsh and before I know it, I'm off my bed and on the floor, kneeling over my metal bin and dry retching into it, tears streaming down my face.   
One, two, three, four orange petals sit at the bottom of the bin in my hands when I finally stop coughing and I just sit there, staring down at them hopelessly.   
I'm silent for god knows how long, hunched over the bin staring down on the petals until I hear footsteps.   
There's a knock on my door and I hear it open.

The sight of me, a fully grown man, hunched over a metal trash can must've been... Bizarre for whoever found me. But I felt a hand on my shoulder and the bin being tugged from my hands so it must've been pretty obvious I wasn't gonna move any time soon.   
Soon, the newcomer knelt down by me and a pair of diamond blue eyes bore into mine, shining with sympathy behind a white cat mask. 

"Chase... Are you okay?"

Marvin reached up and cupped my cheek in his hand, the other around my neck in a comforting way, basically cradling me like a baby in his awkward kneeling position. He was always like a big brother to me, and it was probably only his instinct to comfort me while I cry, but I scooted away from him and drew my knees up to my chest, wiping my face with the sleeve of my black jumper.

"I.. I saw the petals..."

My cheeks burned and I was sure the tips of my ears were bright red by now, but I just nodded, hiccuping. 

"Who... Who is it?"

I shook my head. It was all so silly. I'd only ever met him twice and I was already coughing up those stupid petals like the pathetic, needy prick I was.   
Marvin hugged me. Literally hugged me, and I swear, I would've just broken into tears if he hadn't muttered something about petals and Henrik. 

"I-what?"  
I choked out, blinking back tears. Marvin leaned away and put one hand on my shoulder and one on my knee, a soft concerned glint in his eye.   
"If it's really this bad, if you're coughing up those petals so often, you might have to get Henrik to do the procedure again."

I stared at him, completely speechless. The thing with Hanahaki is, if the person you're in love with doesn't share those feelings but yours for them grow stronger, you begin to cough up more than petals. Eventually, you start coughing up entire flowers, stem and all. And if someone in such a dangerous stage of Hanahaki is pushed to the point of coughing, they could suffocate trying to get it out.   
Which means death.   
Last time, Henrik had done the surgery to remove the flowers, blood red roses, from my lungs. I no longer felt any emotions towards the subject of my unrequited love, I didn't even want to be her friend.   
I didn't want that with Bing.   
If Henrik did the procedure, I wouldn't want to be friends with him. I'd basically hate him. And I... I didn't want that.   
I shook my head and sighed.   
Marvin raised an eyebrow and tilted his head slightly.  
"Then who is it? You obviously don't want to have the surgery because you like them outside of this."

I had always been open about my sexuality with the other egos, but suddenly I felt self conscious about liking Bing. It wasn't like I was the only gay or bi guy in the House, I just wasn't sure if I was comfortable referring to myself as bi. Marvin would understand though, I was sure of it.   
I rubbed my face and blushed more at the thought of him, the itch getting just a bit harder to ignore when I finally uttered the words.   
"It's... It's Bing."


	4. Writers' Apology

I am so sorry I have not posted in a while! I've just been extremely busy and unable to write chapters!  
My sincerest apologies, I'll try to get another chapter or two in the next one or two weeks!


	5. Distracted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marvin decides Chase needs a distraction, although, it isn't what Chase thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so SORRY!   
> I'm so sorry for not updating whatsoever and how short this chapter is!   
> Everything's been a little too hectic in the real world and I've been throwing this together since I uploaded the last chapter.   
> Hopefully, you can forgive me for how poorly this has been put together!   
> (also, I was actually given a prompt for moogle [marvin×google blue, and it blossomed into this seemingly unrelated series, so moogle is going to be a thing)   
> ((also also, anti isn't a 'bad guy' in this, but I will write him with the same sneaky intentions eventually in this storyline, or maybe even another series or one-shot))

I'm not the only one in the House to experience Hanahaki. Marvin had it once, but his unrequited love actually worked out, Anti had had it, but because he couldn't really die, he didn't want to go through with the surgery, saying "it'll work out eventually" and that's what happened.   
Two of the Septics besides me had experienced it. Theirs worked out, mine didn't. 

Marvin's surprised look didn't startle me. His unrequited love had been for Google Blue, after all, which meant even though he was an android, he could feel something besides being salty. I didn't know how, but Google had eventually been able to develop feelings towards Marvin too. Hence why Marv no longer coughed up those violets when he thought of the strange android. 

I sighed and looked at the carpeting covering my bedroom floor. It was a weird beige and white color.   
Marvin snapped his fingers in front of my face in an attempt to get my attention,and I looked up.

"If Google can feel things, Bing might be able to, too. It's not like you don't have a chance."

His tone was... Unsure. Like he didn't even trust what he was saying was actually true.   
I didn't even know I was crying until I felt Marvin reach to wipe the tears away. 

"I.. I don't know. I barely know him. Hell, he probably doesn't even want to be more than my friend."

I feel the stupid sensation in my chest and feel the urge to hack up my lungs as I mention Bing, but I push it down, already becoming used to the empty feeling in my heart when I do. 

Marvin was always supportive of me, and I knew he was. He always tried to help whenever he could tell I wasn't feeling.. Normal.   
Marvin sighed as he stopped to think for a moment. 

"You need a distraction."

I shook my head ever so slightly, blowing my bangs out of my eyes. I didn't want to leave my room, I'd only be met with questions I didn't want to, nor had the patience to answer.   
Marvin stood and tugged me to my feet and I let him. He pat me on the back as he hummed some sort of tune I didn't recognise. 

Before I knew it, I was out of my room and in the kitchen, glancing around uncertainly. I felt weird.   
Marvin had made me a hot chocolate and sat me down across from Jackie, who was rereading his favorite Spiderman comic with the simple instruction that I stay there while he do something. 

Jackie and I sat in a comfortable silence, the only sound being the rustling of the pages of Jackie's comic. 

I was doing nothing but drinking my hot chocolate when Anti strode in and sprung up onto the kitchen counter, knocking over various things. I looked over to Jackie, and all I got was a confused shrug in answer to my silent question of 'what the hell?'

"Bow down to your master, bitches!"

I put my mug down, choking slightly on the drink sliding down my throat and covered my mouth with my hand.   
I looked over to Anti and bit down on my fist to stop myself from laughing, wanting to avoid it. Jackie burst into a fit of giggles and I watched as Anti put his hands on his hips and puffed out his chest, grinning like a madman. 

Anti stood there for a whole three minutes, no explanation or twitch of a muscle before he looked down at us, me, struggling to contain the laughter bubbling up and Jackie, who was trying and failing to breathe properly, and raised an eyebrow.   
Then Henrik shuffled in, looking tired and just fed up with the world. He had a mug in one hand and a rolled up magazine in the other. He looked up at Anti, then at Jackie and me, then looked back up at Anti.   
He smacked anti in the shin with the magazine, obviously not hard enough to actually hurt the other, and grinned. 

"We all know you bottom, Anti."

Anti's face suddenly turned a rather deep shade of pink and I choked on my hot chocolate, again mid sip. We had completely lost Jackie by then, the hero somehow managing to get onto the floor, wheezing, flat on his back against the kitchen tile.   
Henrik set the empty mug in the sink and with his amused grin, shuffled out. 

Anti stammered and frowned, clambering off the counter looking like a confused puppy. 

I looked down at Jackie who was still flat on his back on the floor, tears streaming down his face. A pang of worry shot through me, then I noticed that he was laughing and I smiled. 

"Jackie, you might wanna get up off the floor."

He turned to me and offered a thumbs up before standing and shakily sitting back on the chair, coughing into his fist.

"You must've laughed your lungs raw, jesus."

I grinned and Jackie mirrored my expression, shrugging again.


	6. Blossom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A distraction, and a promise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so, so, so, so, SO, sorry!!!  
> How long has it been??   
> Who knows at this point.   
> I've been away on hiatus for so long, and I am deeply sorry.   
> I had hoped to get at least two chapters out before or on Christmas day, but my files were corrupted and I lost all 5,000 words of the two.   
> I have opted for a solid 800+ word chapter and I hope to have a steadier update schedule soon.   
> Again, I am so sorry!

"This doesn't seem like much of a distraction, Marv."  
Away from the kitchen and a still recovering Jackie, Marvin had pulled me into the lounge room, exclaiming about something.   
I sighed as he turned away from the television screen and revealed the bright cheery Mario Kart opening screen.   
He leaned over and handed me a controller, moving to sit on the couch next to where I perched on a bright green bean bag. His blue eyes softened with sympathy as he turned his gaze to me. 

"It's either this or I take you out, and I don't think you want to do that right now."  
His comforting tone did nothing to help my confusing emotions as I caught a glimpse of his apologetic expression.   
He felt sorry for me.   
I couldn't really blame him.   
We both turned to the screen and from then on, it was yelling and cursing, no more cautious choices of words or sorry faces.   
__________

"You motherfucker!"  
I yelled out in anguish as my first place position was stolen from me as a blue shell divebombed my little character. Marvin roared with laughter next to me as he pumped his fist up high in the air, a large grin on his face. I furrowed my brow and sat back in my bean bag, an amused smirk tugging at my lips.   
All thoughts of Bing gone, I focused on the game and the joy of finally being able to do something I enjoyed. 

__________

After an hour or two of playing, Marv and I had had our fill of racing and rage. He had shut the game off and declared he needed to talk to someone.  
I said it was fine and waved him away, assuming it had been Google he wanted to talk to.   
I didn't want him to go, but I really couldn't stop him from living his life and talking to the people in it. I felt utterly helpless alone, suddenly bored, but I couldn't expect someone to help me and be next to me constantly whilst my life was in shambles.   
Left alone with my thoughts, I sank farther into the depths of my beanbag, eyes closing.  
I felt emotionally exhausted, but it was the kind of tiredness that beat me down, the kind that steals sleep from you instead of bringing it forward.   
Thoughts of Bing drifted into my mind, and I felt the familiar scratching in my throat. My lungs burned, but I pushed it down, forcing myself to think of something else.   
Although staying away from anything Bing related, I let my thoughts continue to drift, thought after aimless thought coming forward before retreating back to the dark recesses of my mind. 

I opened my eyes again, gazing blearily at the ceiling, a strange heavy feeling weighing down on me. I didn't know what it was, but it felt familiar.  
Lazing about wasn't going to get me anywhere in terms of getting better, but I just couldn't get my suddenly heavy limbs to cooperate and do what I needed them to do. I looked around again, not exactly paying attention to my surroundings, my gaze focusing on everything and nothing at the same time.   
Eyelids feeling like weights, I succumbed to the promise of shallow sleep sweeping over me, allowing my overwhelmed brain time to regroup. 

__________

Coughing up blood red petals, lungs expanding, deflating, failing, choking, suffocating, too much, way too much, overwhelmed, dying.   
Skin splitting, giving way to neon orange roses, jaw widening, thorns puncturing lungs, pain, hurting, flashes of bright white light.  
Then darkness. Sweet cold, darkness. Release. Release from the pain, the hurting, the flowers. 

__________

I woke in a cold sweat, my head pounding and pain blossoming behind my eyes.  
My throat ached and I felt tears coating my cheeks. I leaned forward away from the plastic material of the bean bag clinging to my skin, reaching blindly for something, anything to ground me.   
My breath came in short, panicked pants, and my lungs burned, I needed to find something, somebody.   
The first fit threw me, my body convulsing, banishing the bright orange flower petals from my lungs, up through my throat. I didn't know where I was, only that the solid floor beneath me was cold against my heated skin, panic overtook me as my body rocked.  
Petals were all I knew in that moment, as my throat swelled and a wave of pain crashed down over me. I didn't even know what triggered it, my dream was blurry, and I couldn't recall it, the slivers I could remember shying away when I tried to grasp them.   
Pain shook me as I coughed up droplets of blood, accompanied by some more of the cursed petals.   
I rested the side of my face against the floor, relishing the shock of cold that assaulted my senses. 

I lay there for a while, slumped against the floor, curled up in a small ball as I continued to sob.  
I felt horrible, cruising in and out of consciousness, only waking to choke out more bloodstained petals.   
Eventually, I let the remains of my pain carry me away into a void of darkness, finally given the relief of painless unconsciousness. 

__________

I woke to somebody shaking me, this time finally staying awake. My eyes were puffy and hurt from crying as much as I did. I saw a pair of bright blue eyes shining with concern staring down at me, and I suddenly felt self conscious, wanting to curl back up into an undignified ball. Their face was slightly obscured by a blue mask.

"Chase, are you okay? Chase!"

I snapped to attention when the person above me pinched my arm, pulling me away from the edge of unconsciousness once again. 

"Schneep! Hey! Henrik, help! Get over here, I need a hand!"

The person above me moved away, and I shivered, forcing my eyes closed for a second. Where was I? That's right, I actually didn't know. But telling from the hard cold tile against my back, I was probably in the kitchen.   
Hands tugged at my upper body, anothers' grabbing my legs.   
I groaned and tried to bat away the hands, but something punctured my the side of my throat and I suddenly understood what was going on. The sedative rushed through my veins, making me drowsy but not letting me tilt over the edge of darkness like I so wanted to. 

"Chase, it's okay, we'll help you. We'll look after you, I promise, just don't give up on us."

Then, I teetered too far, and fell. Sleep finally taking me. 

__________


End file.
